Yeah. I don't have that.
I am the proud new owner of a horrible, tweaky, SHORT, and best of all lop-sided mop.
K, so I went in to Fantastic Sam's, a place where I've been really lucky in the past. Not many places that charge sixteen bucks for a haircut do a very good job, but at good ole' Sam's I've always been pleasantly surprised. I should have known better. When I walked into this one, the lady at the front shoulda tipped me off. I should have run.
Tell me-- have you ever handed over control of your precious locks to a lady with purple and black curly extensions, big old honkin' fake nails, and- get this- a front tooth of gold with an "L" engraved in it...
I think the problem was my epinephrine high. See, I don't have health insurance at the moment and I've been forced to downgrade to primatine mist. A little wheezy, I took a puff before heading out on my big adventure. It made me shaky and weak, and obviously impaired my ability to sense imminent hair danger.
Back to the chair, I handed Lomie (yeah, you heard me) a photo of a cut I liked. I told her VERY specifically that I liked the chunky layers, but I didn't want to go so short. Nothing above my shoulders. Is that vague? Did she misunderstand me? Was she imagining the five-inch shoulder pads that she assumed I normally wear?
Cause damn lady, this hair ain't nowhere NEAR my shoulders!! I hate short cuts. I've never been happy with one. In fact, I've cried over them. Could be something to do with my knee-length hair of younger years? Probably.
Maybe I could have dealt with short. But- this is the worst- IT'S NOT SYMMETRICAL!!!!! I recently read a memoir by an OCD chicky who had to have things arranged symmetrically. I sympathize with her. I'm not quite as obsessive about it, but yes- I like the same number of rings on each hand. I like my eyebrows to be the same shape. And I like my hair to look the same on both sides!!!! Is this rocket science?? It has been many many years since "geometric" cuts were in.
Ok, so she asked if I wanted it styled. I figured it'd be an extra three bucks maybe. Said, ok what the hay- it's Valentine's Day, I can look fancy for the grocery store. Lomie brushed and blowed, and I have two words to describe the way it looked.
Soccer Mom.
I thanked her. I handed over my TWENTY-SIX dollars, plus (I can't bring myself to not tip someone) eight bucks cash. I went to the grocery store, home, promptly washed out the ten bucks of Lomie's "style". So now it's slightly better, I don't look like I belong in a minivan. But- stay with me here- can ya see the problem??
I'm just not symmetrical.
Maybe it would look better accessorized with a gold toof.
3 comments:
It's not too bad... actually kind of cute, but I'm on the verge of getting a short hair cut. Short, like just above sholders, flippy with a blue streak in it! And I've learned about getting cheap hair cuts. The last time I got red streaks in my hair I described what I wanted and the whole top layer of my hair was light red, not dark chunky red streaks like I said. Sigh
sigh...pathetic. Yes, you. "I" am a soccer mom, and I guarantee I do not have a haircut that cute and trendy. And crooked, when COMBED RIGHT looks smokin' hot. So be thankful that you didn't go nutso and shave your head like Britney! HA!
(btw - You got me a little excited...got any plans later? Maybe we could hook up?)
Kirsten Lena,
I am supposed to be writing my lectures for two of my classes this week. Instead I decided that I would check out your blog. I read every bit of it and have decided that you have certainly inherited grammy's humor. It's gotten most of us through the most awful "haircuts" in life.
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